


All I Need

by Pooks79



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 09:44:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pooks79/pseuds/Pooks79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A/N – Inspired by One Republic’s “Say (All I Need) and David Cook’s “Come Back to Me”. J/B</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Need

A/N – the emotional muse strikes again. Hope you enjoy this little one shot inspired by One Republic’s “Say (All I Need) and David Cook’s “Come Back to Me”.

Reminder – story contains bad language and sexual content – you are warned

BPOV

He asked me what I needed and I didn’t have an answer. I wasn’t sure what I needed or wanted out of my life. He was the only thing I had coveted most and here we sat, hand in hand, trying to decide if we would make it through this.

I looked deep into his eyes trying to find all the reasons why I should go and finding all the reasons I needed to stay. I loved him more than anything but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel the need to leave. I wanted to take him with me. I wanted us to enjoy the world together but I knew that was irrational thought. What I needed and wanted wasn’t every really the issue until now. We never fought, argued or disagreed on anything and now it seemed all those suppressed thoughts and feelings came to a head at this moment. 

I kept thinking what do I need? What do I need to feel complete? He was all I ever knew or wanted since we were kids and now I started to think that maybe that was the whole problem. Maybe I was suffocated by our love and blinded by all the opportunities to grow and mature because I was too lost in our little world of happiness. 

He told me he would wait. He told me that if I needed to go then he wouldn’t stop me. He promised me that if what I found didn’t include him he would understand. He didn’t realize that I didn’t want to leave because of him but because I felt this pull to be more than just a girl in a small town. I felt like if I didn’t spread my wings and fly I would live with the regret of never saying I did something with my life. I didn’t want to stay because I felt guilty for leaving but I didn’t want to leave and feel the pain that came with it. 

I started to cry allowing all the confusion to slide down my face with each tear. He brushed my tears with his thumb hushing my worries and trying his hardest to silences my fears. He knew me better than I knew myself. He saw the pain when I received postcards from my friends who were traveling the world without me. He knew it killed me to go to work and down my upset in a bottle of wine each night before bed. He saw all this and still he comforted me through it like his heart was encased in stone. He acted like my words didn’t come as a shock nor did the pain they brought with them diminish his radiant light. 

I saw behind his shield of strength and knew what these talks did to him. It made him feel inadequate, unworthy and never enough. I wanted to say all I wanted was him but that would be a lie. I did love him without question but my curiosity to venture outside the walls of this small town had become all-consuming. I had to know what life was like on the outside to truly appreciate what I had right here in front of me.

I knew my thoughts were selfish and cruel but that didn’t change the fact that my need to go was stronger than my reasons for staying. 

We talked over the next several days trying to come up with a way to make it work. I didn’t want to leave on bad terms nor did I want him to live with the regret that he was never good enough. I wanted him to see he meant everything to me but I just had to see the grass wasn’t greener on the other side of Forks. Being the man that he was, he conceded to my departure and gave me little flack for leaving. I’m not sure if that was more help than harm. Maybe if he had screamed and yelled I wouldn’t have felt so bad for leaving. Maybe if he said something hurtful to me I could turn a blind eye to his pain and leave without remorse but he didn’t. 

We held each other all night until we fell asleep in one another’s arm. I would miss him. I would miss his warm breathe on my skin, the chills that ran up my spine at his touch and the softness of his kiss. These were things I cherished and loved about Jake and the few things in my life that made my life worth living. 

I gently removed his arm from around my waist as I slid out of bed and took a shower. My tears mingled with the heat of the water as it poured over my body. I knew I was a coward for not waking him to see me off but I couldn’t bear the look on his face as I left. I knew he was strong but not even the strongest man could handle the loss of his true love. I wasn’t even sure I could handle it.

I reminded myself this was only goodbye for now. I wasn’t guaranteed the job until it was in writing so right now I was walking a thin line. I was risking everything on a whim and for a brief moment, I started to second-guess my decision. Was it worth it to risk all on a chance? If I stopped and thought about it, wasn’t everything in life a chance? You never knew what could or would happen until you made it so, so taking this chance was just another one of life’s choice that needed to be made.

I finished washing up, got dressed and stood at the foot of our bed. I stared at him just admiring the man I had loved all my life. He was the air that breathed love into my life and the only man that cradled my heart within his soft hands. He was the reason I lived and the one person I would lie on a knife for. I would love him until my heart stopped beating and the more I stood here realizing how important he was to me, the more my feet felt cemented to my bedroom floor. Was I making the right choice? Did I have to leave? Did I want to leave or better yet, did I need to leave? He asked me what I needed and for a time it was only him. I needed to be loved, feel love and share love with this man. 

I felt the warmth of the morning sun at my side and knew he would wake soon. If I was going to go it was now or never. I walked beside the bed, kissed his forehead and whispered I love you. I felt the tears fall and I tried to catch them before they fell upon his cheek and woke him. I watched over him for a few brief moments and when my heart couldn’t take it any longer I turned to leave. 

I hurried to the door grabbing my duffle bag from the chair. I gently closed the door and rubbed the frame of the door saying goodbye to my home. I jumped in the car and sped off like I was a robber running from the scene of a crime. The tears flowed more freely now that I was safely out of town and on my way. I pulled over just at the town line and tried to simmer my emotions. 

I reiterated to myself that this was what I needed to do. This opportunity came once in a lifetime and I had to jump at the chance. Jake understood that and that is why he made little effort when it came to fighting me on the topic. He told me to do what I needed to do. He asked me what I needed and I told him I needed to do this. Thinking about it now, maybe I didn’t need to go for this interview maybe I just wanted to. I had felt like although Jake had provided me all that I needed emotionally there was always a small part of me that wanted something more that I knew he couldn’t provide. 

I never told him until he opened the letter from the publishing company and read its contents. I could see the pain in his eyes as they squinted when he read the letter over and over again. He tuned out my apology and stood there silent with the letter in his hand. I saw his hand shake in anger over what he had read and the hurt he felt over my nondisclosure. 

I never kept secrets from Jake well not until recently. I didn’t want him to feel inadequate or know that I was unhappy because I wasn’t unhappy when it came to him. I was unhappy with the life I had led. I know now my choice to go behind his back and submit my story was sneaky but I truly didn’t believe anything would come of it, but it had. 

I refocused my thoughts and head back on the road. Dwelling on the past didn’t make matters any better so I decided to turn my CD player on for a little distraction. When the track finally came on, I nearly drove off the road when I heard Jake’s voice over my stereo speakers. 

Bella I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt in person because just the softness and sincerity in your eyes causes me to suppress my own feelings to nurture yours. I know you love me and I never doubted that but I could always sense this desire inside of you.

You were never satisfied with what you had or currently have in your life. You always seemed to push your limits and stretch your boundaries in an effort to be or do something more. I had hoped you would have stopped searching once we decided to be together. I actually thought I was the man you were looking for. It kills me when I see you cry or hurt and I understand your need to venture out into the world but would it have hurt to wait until I could come along for the ride? Did you think I wanted to be left behind while you achieved greatness?

We promised each other as kids we would never leave one another for anything and here we are discussing being apart. I love you with everything that I am and I find it hard to even consider living my life without you. 

I’m not asking you to stay and I’m not telling you to leave although I know if you are listening to this your choice has been made. I want you to do what your heart tells you is right. I can’t give you the glitz and glamour of stardom but I can make sure you feel just as warm and fuzzy as a superstar does. 

So again I ask you Bella, what do you need? I don’t care about what you long or wish for but what do you need? I can tell you I need the air in my lungs and the warm caresses of the one true love of my life to shelter me from my doubts and worries. I need the women I lost myself too over five years ago. That’s what I need. 

So as you drive to this interview just think about what is it that you really need and if you find my smiling face at the end of that journey, then look inside the glove box before coming home and see what I can guarantee.

I love you Bella. All I need is for you to love me too… (Radio silence)

I screamed into the radio as if he could hear me. I did love him. I loved him more than anyone or anything else. I wasn’t doing this to hurt him. I was doing this for…. What was I doing this for? For a chance at fame I would never see? For the chance at a better life? I had a good life. No, I had a great life. It was one filled with love, commitment and passion. Did I need to be successful in order to feel complete? I knew what I had and I knew what I wanted and although those two things were always Jake, I still thirsted for something more. 

Why did I look for something more when I had all I needed right here? All these questions plagued me as I continued to drive towards Seattle. It was near four o’clock when I arrived and as I sat outside the building, I couldn’t help but feel this was not where I wanted to be. Sure I had worked hard at my novel and yes, I wanted to be recognized for my talent but all those things were things I wanted but didn’t need to feel complete. What I needed was Jake to be here with me experiencing all these highs and lows. I needed him to be the one to push me forward when I doubted myself and comfort me when I fell. I risked all that if I walked through those glass doors. 

I must have been sitting in my car too long because the rent a cop pulled up behind my car and walked towards my window. “Are you ok miss? Do you need anything?”

I stared at him as if I was a deer in headlights. It was at that moment that I realized what I needed wasn’t in Seattle. What I needed was in Forks. 

“Yes Jake” I exclaimed as I rolled up my windows and put the car in reverse. 

I sped down the highway clocking an easy 100 mph. I had realized that nothing else mattered to me anymore. All the nights we spoke and talked about how this change would affect us and if we could survive if I had to move was a mood point. My life and love was always Jake Black and it wasn’t until this moment that I realized he was all I ever needed. If I couldn’t do this with him then it wasn’t worth doing. What was success if you had no one to share it with? Why achieve greatness when you had no reason to do so?

When I finally turned down our street and parked the car in our driveway it was close to nine o’clock. I was shocked to find my house completely consumed in blackness. I checked the clock again and sat in the car completely confused. Jake would’ve been home from the garage by now. Fear took a strong hold over my heart. What if my departure meant something different to him than it did to me? Maybe he couldn’t live with my decision and decided to leave. These thoughts caused my chest to pain with hurt and my eyes flood with tears.

As if Mother Nature felt my pain, the rain came down hard and I felt the chill of the winter air seep through my car vents. This was what life would be like without Jake. I knew and understood it more clearly now but it would seem my realization came too late. My selfish nature had gotten the better of my judgment and this was the price, loneliness. 

I fought my minds urges to gloat in despair. I wasn’t giving up this fight, not yet. I reached into the glove box to retrieve my emergency umbrella and as I pulled it out, a small box fell onto the floor.

I switched the roof light on and when I saw the black velvet box, I gasped. I pressed play on the CD player again and advanced Jake’s message to the end.

So as you drive to this interview just think what is it that you really need and if you find my smiling face at the end of that journey, then look inside the glove box before coming home and see what I can guarantee.

As the last of his message played through my head, I opened the box to find a one-carat diamond ring. I stared at it for a moment hoping this meant what I thought it meant. Maybe he hadn’t given up on me. 

I placed the ring on my finger and ran through the pouring rain from the car to the front door. I fidgeted with the keys until I found the right one. I swung open the door hollering for Jake as I removed my wet shoes and coat. 

Sadness returned when I realized he wasn’t there. I ran through each room looking for him and each time I found nothing but emptiness. I conceded that this was my punishment. This was what I was due for putting my success above the love of my life. I realize now Jake was trying to make me see that it wasn’t he and I, it was we. A true relationship is about a commitment to one another and going through life experiencing things as a solid unit bonded by friendship and molded by love. I was too stubborn to see it and the emptiness I felt was exactly how he felt went I left. 

I slid down the hallway wall and cried into my knees. The loud thunder and lighting that surrounded my house seemed to surround my soul. It echoed through the hollowness of my heart at the realization that I had lost him. He was the blood that allowed my heart to beat, the air that breathed life into my body and my whole reason for living. He was what I needed, wanted and lived for. It was always him.

The warmth of his hand on my knee took me from my despair as I looked up into his eyes. His finger ran over the ring on my hand as his lips parted slightly as if he was going to speak but couldn’t.

What could I say to make this right? Was there any forgiveness left for this selfish soul? Did I deserve him after I pushed him aside for my own selfish gain? My heart raced as I awaited my fate. I didn’t want to hear what he had every right to say.

He looked up at me and I could feel the pain and hurt as he searched my soul for answers. I could see he wanted to know. He wanted to hear what I could never say. His lip quivered slightly as he forced out the one question I could never answer.

“Did you find what you needed Bella?” he whispered as his eyes turned back towards the floor.

I leaned forward, moving his face back up towards mine taking it into both my hands. “I didn’t have to go far to find it Jake. It was always here. What I need is you. What I want is you and there is nothing more I need or want than this right here. I know I hurt you and I am willing to do whatever you want to make it up to you. I love you Jake,” I whispered, pleading with my eyes, begging him to hear the sincerity in my voice and the love pulsing through my veins.

His lips crashed onto mine in seconds. I could feel all his hurt, pain and happiness with each stroke of his lips. I wanted to take that pain away. I wanted him to know he was all I ever needed to feel complete. The kiss became more passionate as he took me into his arms and carried me towards the bedroom.

I had never felt such unbridled passion till today. His body moved within me with such need and urgency and my body took all he had to give with pleasure. His need for me ran much deeper than I could’ve imagined. His hips moved with such vigor it caused my body to shake and tremble beneath his body. He needed to feel the truth to my words. His body demanded my submission to his will and I lied beneath him willingly, giving him all he coveted most.

“I love you Bella Swan,” he whispered as he stared into my eyes.

“I love you Jake more than anything” I replied

I took his lips into mine as my climax moved throughout my body and his. We moaned into each other’s mouths as our body endured the pleasures of one another. 

He hovered over me out of breath shortly after, just staring at me, questioning me with his eyes. I saw the curiosity of his stare and returned it with sincerity in mine. I moved my hand up and slowly wiped the sweat dripping from his brow. He closed his eyes at my touch and moved his head into the palm of my hand. 

“I missed you,” he whispered

His words broke my heart. Sure I wasn’t gone that long but when two people love as we do, hours can seem like a lifetime. I leaned up and before taking his lips into mine I whispered. “You will never know loss because I will never leave you. I will love you as my lover, friend, companion and soul mate all the days of my life. I don’t need you Jake I love you.”

Our lips met softly as we kissed all the hurt, pain and disappointment away. This night marked the end of our relationship and the start of our journey as one. It was no longer he and I. It was we.


End file.
